‘She suggested… $40/$50 [foundation]’: Woman forced to wear dress she doesn't even like as a bridesmaid for her SIL gets backlash for her tattoos, backs out of wedding completely

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Jan 4, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Wouldn't it be nice for ONCE to be a bridesmaid and just wear whatever you want to wear? If the bride is choosing you to be in their bridal party, shouldn't that mean they trust you will wear something that works with them? I guess not, and that is why many of them choose the dress that they will be making some of their closest friends and family wear. It just doesn't feel fair because it is very difficult to choose a dress that multiple will feel comfortable in—there is no such thing as "sisterhood of the traveling bridesmaid dress." And yet, many women are forced to go through this. The groomsmen all just wear the same tux—it's not fair! We just wanna look pretty! But, as beloved friends and family, you want the bride to be happy, so you do whatever they want. But when do you draw the line? It's not when the dress they choose make you uncomfortable, it's the language they use, like if they start to call you "trashy" and other impolite school yard trash talk—if anything, that is the trashy. So this tatted woman stood up for herself, by dropping out of the wedding completely… 

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    via Unsplash+ (and Curated Lifestyle)

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  • It all started when the bride, her husband's sister, (so her sister-in-law) asked her to be a bridesmaid. Not the Maid of Honor, just a bridesmaid. It's still a big part of the wedding party, you will be standing up there for all of the guests to see, so, the bride obviously wants you to look nice. In this case, she chose a dress and did not consult with her SIL first. The dress had only one sleeve and a huge slit, which this woman did not feel comfortable wearing in a church. However, she decided to put away her own beliefs to make her SIL happy. 

     

    But what did the SIL do? She demanded she wear the dress with no shawl, but then yelled at her for having exposed tattoos. Like, pic a side sis—you either have her cover up or let her show her tattoos. What you DON'T do is demand she buy expensive makeup to cover up her tattoos that will get the expensive dress you forced her to buy all dirty and that she will never use again. That gets you a bridesmaid no more! 

  • 02
    AITA for dropping out of my SIL wedding party because I didn't wanna cover up my tattoos? I, 25F, was set to be a bridesmaid for my SIL, 31F for her upcoming wedding. My SIL can be a control freak and has the tendency to set expectations that are pretty unrealistic/inconsiderate at times. As you would imagine, that would apply to what she would request of her bridesmaids for her wedding.
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 03
    I know people have differing opinions when it comes to bridesmaids dresses but I'm someone who follows the opinion that the bride should have final say as it is her day, especially if the bridesmaids dresses are being paid for. However, regardless of who is paying, I also think brides should also be mindful that if they want everyone to wear the exact same dress, it would be respectful to check if everyone is comfortable with certain styles especially if there are people in the group who might d
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 04
    In this specific situation, all the bridesmaids had to pay, which I obviously didn't mind. Here's the thing, my SIL asked her 3 closest friends first and already decided on the same dress for everyone to wear together before she asked me (I had no expectation that she would ask me) so I had no idea what they picked. If there is one thing you should know is that I dress. pretty modestly, especially at church since it's a church wedding. The dress they picked out was pushing my personal comfort le
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 05
    I didn't wanna make a big deal over it because they had already decided on it together and since it's what my SIL really wanted I kept my concern to myself. I lowkey wish we all decided together especially since there were 3 more people includina myself that were not asked to be bridesmaids till after. Even though the dress wasn't within my modesty standards, I still decided to go along with it because I didn't want drama and just wanted to make her happy. My plan was to change after the festivi
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 06
    I thought things were gonna be okay until my SIL told me last week that she didn't want my tattoos to be noticeable and wanted them covered as it would be inappropriate in church and didn't want them in the pictures. I am tatted on my wrists, shoulders, and on the back. The tattoos on my shoulders and back are not small pieces and are very noticeable with the dress that was picked out.
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 07
    She told me that she's been concerned about them showing because of the dress, and keep in mind, she knows about my tattoos and the dress was still picked knowing they would show. I was annoyed but since I already paid for the dress, I asked if I could wear a shawl and she said no because she didn't want me to stand out from the rest of the group especially since I'm not the MOH.
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 08
    She suggested this foundation that covers tattoos which was $40/$50 ish. I'm not gonna spend that much on a foundation I'm not gonna use again. Plus, there's a chance it will get on my dress and make a mess. I told her I didn't think it was fair to expect this when she knows I have tattoos and still picked a dress that will still have them show. If she had a problem, why pick something without sleeves or ask me to be a bridesmaid if she was gonna be adamant about the style knowing she didn't wan
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 09
    When she said that, I got mad because it's always the people who start with the religious guilt don't even follow their faith and are quick to judge. My SIL literally has done and continues to do everything in the book that would be not okay for a practicing Catholic to do but I never judge her because I have a past too and still struggle. Yet, for her to say it would not be appropriate for a Catholic wedding is just hypocritical and made me feeling like I was gonna make it "unholy" somehow over
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 10
    For her to say I'm not accommodating is just beyond me because she already knows how I dress now especially in a church setting (I even cover my hair at church) and I still pushed my convictions and preferences aside and wear this for her because I wanted to keep the peace and not make a fuss. When I told her all of this, she started making comments about how I'm being selfish for not putting on the foundation and then proceeded to say that dress looks trashy on me anyways because of my body. I'
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 11
    Not trying to brag, I personally don't like it hence why I'm mindful of how I dress but it's unlike it's in my control as to how the dress would fit and look on me but it's overall why I prefer to be more covered. I just ended the conversation with if it's going to continue as an issue, I didn't wanna trouble her further and would rather she pick someone else because we can't see eye to eye. I feel bad for dropping but her wedding is not for 5 months and I just think it's for the best I'm no lon
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 12
    Hey y'all OP here, just to clarify something (in response to some comments) that wasn't mentioned in this post earlier this SIL is my husband's sister. None of my brothers are married Trust me I would've responded to her a little differently if that were the case but since she is my husband's bl d, it's his job to put her in check because that's his sister which he did already. I can totally make another post to share what happened in that conversation between the two of them but Idk if I wanna
    via Dependent-Laugh-4765
  • 13
    Beneficial_Syrup_869 .2d ago . Not the a h le, she knew you had tattoos, picked a dressed that showed them and then making you cover who you are because it's not appropriate for a Catholic Church. As a Catholic, she wrong, the normal reader at my church has a full sleeve, nobody bats an eye. I have had pink hair and was a maid of honor at a Catholic wedding with my tats out, she is picking and choosing what she wants to follow clearly. Then she attacked your body type, f her. Support your brothe
    via Beneficial_Syrup_869
  • 14
    TraditionScary8716 Is it possible for you to drop out of being related to that self-centered mean girl? It's amazing to me that she thinks it's ok for you to strut half naked through the church but your tats are sacrilegious or something. Dump her. Find something fun to do while she's playing circus master at her wedding.
    via TraditionScary8716
  • 15
    BSisAnon While some brides are gonna want tats covered--and some bridesmaids cool with it--it is never ok to bodyshame. Jesus had nothing to say about tattoos, but he had real strong opinions about hypocrites. NTA.
    via BSisAnon
  • 16
    Wtfimsooverppl NTA. Get out now. She should have thought about all of this beforehand. She knew about your tattoos and where they are so she should have thought about what dresses would be more appropriate. It feels like you were only picked because you are family and it looks good for the guests to see. She really doesn't want you there. If she did she would have had you there to help pick dresses. She sounds fake and dramatic.
    via Wtfimsooverppl
  • 17
    jmlozan NTA, you should explain to the other bridesmaids why you dropped out so she doesn't spin the story. Also, ask for dress reimbursement. If she says no, wrap up the dress as the gift.
    via jmlozan

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